No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I want to be your penis for a week.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
