dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
