Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
