She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
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