pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
