Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
