My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize