Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
