I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
