How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize