you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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