porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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