The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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