So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
i think i just lost a toe
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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