My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
