lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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