The maid of honor just puked.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
