I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
