a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
