Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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