he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
