just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
