just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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