dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
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So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
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can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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