I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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