I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I need a beard to bite.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I DEMAND FORESKIN
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
