Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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