She's JV to your varsity
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
