Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So many bounce houses so little time
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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