I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize