I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
