Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
