I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
