you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
