wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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