Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
