Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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