If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
the condom got lost in my hair
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
