if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
