If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
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I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
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I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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