I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
