Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
