he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
