1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
