If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i just sent this text using only my big toe
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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