If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
