What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I need moral support for this bender
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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