My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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