Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
