Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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