I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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