yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I AM VODKA MAN
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
