You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
