I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
