$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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