the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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