Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
