the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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