I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
