I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
