Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I checked into jail on foursquare
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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