meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
