I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
