its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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