Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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